By Rachel Wilkerson Miller
When I heard about the death of my dear friend’s Mom, I knew I had to drop everything I was doing to be there for her, even if it meant getting on a plane.
Why do we need a major life event to understand how important it is to show up for the people we love in our life?
In The Art of Showing Up, Rachel Wilkerson Miller explores what it means to show up for yourself and others in a significant way. Too often as busy women, we try to be there for everyone all of the time. Miller takes the stance that in order to be capable of showing up for others on a deep level, you must first show up for yourself. This book has many helpful tips, exercises, and ideas about how to get to know yourself better in order to prioritize your time around investing in relationships based on what’s most important to you.
Showing Up For Yourself
It really resonated with me when the author talked about showing up for ourselves. This may be the key to why many women are feeling overwhelmed today. Miller suggests getting to know yourself better and protecting what you value most to help you decide how to best spend your time. She gives you tools to understand your needs, emotions, values, and priorities. One exercise is to create an “ideal weekly schedule” and then track how you actually spend your time. You may realize that you actually do have time to do what is most important for you or maybe you’re investing in activities or relationships that aren’t making you feel good. Often, how we spend our precious time misaligns with what we hope to achieve each week.
Activity 1: Write a weekly ideal calendar. Track your actual weekly schedule. Find areas to cut or add that are most worth your time.
Activity 2: Write a list of your needs, wants, values, and priorities. Now compare those with your weekly calendar and share them with your friend, spouse, or partner.
Showing Up For Others
The second half of the book focuses on how to be a great friend and show up for others in your life. With social media today, we often confuse fake friendships with who actually matters most. But for busy women, sometimes the issue is just about making and keeping friends as we age. The answer mainly lies in staying open to new relationships and showing our vulnerable selves every day to the people we care about most. Here are a few tips from the author on how to better connect with people that we meet:
– Come prepared for conversations with things to talk about
– Try to remember names or recent activities people were involved in
– Commit to being present with the person and genuinely engaging in conversation
– Listen more and try to talk a little less than those you are with
– Support their goals and check in on them
– Keep in touch and make time to follow up with old/new friends
– Be vulnerable as it creates trust. It’s ok to admit “This is hard for me to talk about.”
– Apologize when you do something wrong or offend someone
This is a great book if you want to learn more about yourself and how you can better show up for yourself and your people.
