You’re Invited

How to be a Gracious Guest

Whether attending a party or visiting someone overnight, chances are you’ll be a guest to someone this holiday season.  So much effort goes into hosting.  One way to show your appreciation to your hosts is with good guest etiquette.  Etiquette doesn’t have to be stuffy, it is simply showing respect for others, and who better to show respect to than someone taking the time to host you.  

To help you brush up so that the invitations keep coming, we’ve listed our top tips for being a gracious guest below.  Remember, you’re a guest regardless of your relationship with the host – yes, you’re even a guest at the homes of family members.

Dinner or Party Guest

Promptly Respond to the Invitation

It’s polite to let your host know as soon as you can if you’re coming or not.

Arrive on time but not early

Get there within 15 minutes of the invitation, but never early as your host may still be preparing.

Never Show up Empty Handed

It’s always polite to ask what you can bring.  If they take you up on it, bring what they asked for plus a nice hostess gift.

Offer to Help

Offer to lend a hand and be specific about what you can do.  It often seems more genuine than a generic offer to help.  Always offer to help clean up.  

Go with the flow

Your hosts have likely spent a lot of time and effort preparing for the event, even if it is a simple dinner at home.  Follow their lead and let go of your own expectations.  Be easy to host!

Keep your dietary preferences to a minimum

Unless you have a deadly food allergy, try not to impose your dietary preferences on your host.  They are likely juggling so many plans and preparations, having to navigate around dietary preferences could be a major inconvenience.  Instead, eat what you can and discreetly pass on what doesn’t work for your diet.  If you have an allergy or sensitivity, it is fine to ask what is in a dish, but try not to make it a big deal.

Leave the leftovers alone

Is it appropriate to take leftovers home from a party?  No, it is not.  If you bring food or wine to a party, it is no longer yours.  Do not take what is left of what you brought home with you unless specifically encouraged to do so by the host.  Consider it your contribution to the party.  It’s likely that your host will tell you to take it with you, but don’t assume.  This even applies to unopened bottles of wine.  You brought a gift to the party – would you take a gift back?  Offer to put food leftovers in a container that can be left for the host to enjoy and you can take your dish with you.  No matter what, NEVER take other people’s leftovers home!     

Don’t post without permission

Be mindful of your hosts’ privacy when it comes to social media.

Know when to say goodbye

If there is a time specified on the invitation, you should plan on staying for the whole event.  If no time is specified, pay attention to clues that the party is winding down.  Don’t leave too early and don’t overstay your welcome.  

Show gratitude

Thank the hosts as you are leaving and follow up with a text or card a few days later.

Overnight Guest

Communicate your plans

Let your host know your schedule early so that they can plan for your arrival and departure.  Stick as close as you can to those plans and communicate about anything that changes.

Never show up Empty Handed

Bring something to your host that is fitting for the length of your stay and your plans.  Longer stay = nicer gift.  Ask what you can bring and then bring that and something extra

Be an organized packer

Minimize the number of bags you bring as best you can.  

Pay attention to the “house rules” and act accordingly

Do your hosts take their shoes off in the house?  Where do they stash their handbags?  What time do they go to bed and get up?  Do as they do.

Make the bed every morning

Never assume that it’s ok not to.  Start each morning making sure that your room is neat and tidy, bed included.  Pro tip: Take a photo of your bed when you arrive to make sure that you make it back up correctly.

Always ask before treating yourself to something from the refrigerator or pantry

The same applies to getting something to drink.  If they tell you to help yourself, use your best judgment but always err on the side of asking first.

Offer to help

They may not accept but always show that you’re willing to pitch in.

No pets, please

Unless your pet is specifically invited, leave them at home. And don’t comment on or interfere with the host’s pets.

Leave the bathroom clean

Wipe down the countertop and make sure that there isn’t any toothpaste in the sink. And be quick in the shower – you never know how long the hot water will last for others. 

Dirty Sheets and towels

Ask what the host would like for you to do with the sheets from your bed and dirty towels before you leave. If they ask you to leave them as they are, make sure the towels are neatly hung to dry, and always make the bed.

Thank them again

Of course you’ll say thank you as you’re leaving, but follow up with a note, call, or text a few days later.